These Words from My Dad Which Helped Us during my time as a Brand-New Parent

"I think I was simply just surviving for a year."

One-time reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the difficulties of becoming a dad.

But the reality soon became "utterly different" to his expectations.

Serious health complications during the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was thrust into becoming her main carer in addition to taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, every change… each outing. The duty of both parents," Ryan explained.

Following eleven months he burnt out. It was a conversation with his father, on a park bench, that led him to understand he required support.

The simple statement "You are not in a healthy space. You require support. What can I do to assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and find a way back.

His story is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. Although people is now more comfortable addressing the stress on moms and about post-natal depression, less is said about the challenges dads face.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan feels his struggles are symptomatic of a larger reluctance to communicate among men, who still hold onto negative notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall time and again."

"It isn't a sign of failure to request help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health before and after childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to accept they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - particularly ahead of a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental health is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the opportunity to take a break - going on a couple of days away, outside of the home environment, to gain perspective.

He came to see he required a change to consider his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the practical tasks of caring for a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -physical connection and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has changed how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will help his son to better grasp the language of feelings and understand his parenting choices.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen did not have reliable male a father figure. Even with having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, deep-held trauma resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says repressing emotions caused him to make "poor choices" when younger to modify how he was feeling, finding solace in drink and drugs as an escape from the pain.

"You gravitate to things that are harmful," he notes. "They may short-term modify how you feel, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Advice for Coping as a New Father

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, confide in a friend, your partner or a counsellor about your state of mind. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - make time for the things that helped you to feel like you before the baby arrived. Examples include playing sport, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Look after the physical health - nutritious food, getting some exercise and if you can, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your mental state is coping.
• Connect with other new dads - listening to their journeys, the difficult parts, as well as the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Know that seeking help isn't failing - looking after your own well-being is the best way you can care for your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably had difficulty processing the loss, having been out of touch with him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead give the safety and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - expressing the feelings safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they confronted their pain, altered how they communicate, and learned to manage themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I expressed, sometimes I believe my job is to instruct and tell you what to do, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding an equal amount as you are in this journey."